Newsday: April Ist’s Top 23 Poll Annoints Most Foolish
By Jeff Pearlman
Newsday staff writer
Published April 1, 2004
Ask Jeff Barge to name five Britney Spears songs, and he won't even come
up with one. Ask him to recite the words to Justin Timberlake's "Cry Me a
River," and he'll wonder, quite innocently, who's crying, and near what
body of water. In short, Barge is a pop culture moron - a man who likely couldn't differentiate Jay-Z from Jay Williams from William Shatner.
That said, Barge - no fool - knows fools. For the fifth consecutive April
Fools' Day, he has released his "Most Foolish American" survey, a ranking of
America's 23 greatest fools. Only a fool would be shocked to learn that
Michael Jackson, the once-upon-a-time King of Pop accused of child
molestation, has been named the country's top fool for a second straight
year, followed closely by runners-up Janet Jackson and Martha Stewart, who
tied for second breast, uh, best. Spears, the midriff-revealing,
marriage-annulling train wreck, placed a foolhardy fourth.
A Manhattanite who runs his own public relations firm, Barge, 46, hired
Opinion Research Corp., Inc., a Princeton-based company, to poll 1,016
random Americans and have them vote on whether 23 hand-picked celebrities
had acted "foolish" over the past few years.
Looking for attention
He kicked off the first survey in 2000 as a way to garner attention for his
agency, Lucky Star Communications. "I did it for my clients," says Barge, a
Cleveland native who faxes his findings to 700 newspapers. "The hardest
thing in PR is to drum up attention for a person. I'm a nobody. So I figured
if I could drum up attention for myself, my clients would take notice."
It worked. That first year, Barge's contest - won by (gasp!) Bill Clinton --
was mentioned on the front page of The Wall Street Journal. Since then, it
has become something of a European staple, attracting coverage in dozens
of newspapers and radio stations. Barge really knew his idea had come to
fruition last year, when several Australian tabloids ran headlines like:
WACKO JACKO FOOL OF THE YEAR!
The sentiment still applies. This year Michael Jackson was said to have
"done something foolish" by 77 percent of respondents, outdistancing his
sister and Stewart by a solid 7 percentage points. On the bright side for
Jackson, 3 percent fewer Americans believe him to be foolish this year than
last. On the downside, well, look at the dude.
Barge, who compiled the initial list of 23 via Internet research and word of
mouth, says the greatest surprise was the notoriously foolish Paris Hilton,
who ranked eighth with 56 percent of voters supporting her candidacy. In
Barge's mind, Hilton entered the contest as an early front-runner. "She
really seems to be a fool," he says. "So why so low?" Along with the top
four finishers, Hilton was bettered by murder suspect Scott Peterson, rape
suspect Kobe Bryant and alleged drug abuser Rush Limbaugh. Although alleged
steroid user Barry Bonds and alleged actor Keanu Reeves were not included, a
point was made. "It helps if you're accused of something," says Barge.
"That makes you a pretty good fool."
Bush, Kerry make list, too
Shockingly, not everyone was eager to talk about being dubbed foolish.
John Kerry, the Democratic presidential candidate, placed 18th with
32 percent of votes, well behind the totals for President George W. Bush
10th place, 50 percent), Clinton (11th, 48 percent) and former Vermont
governor Howard Dean (16th, 39 percent).
Yet Kerry's press office refused to return Newsday's phone calls. The same goes for advisers to San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom, whose support of gay marriage resulted in national attention and a 27 percent fool score, good for 20th place. "The mayor ain't a fool," said a person close to the mayor who, upon being informed that ain't ain't a word,
hung up.
In a fascinating side note, 57 percent of average Americans accused "Average
Americans" of "doing something foolish." Newsday contacted an amazingly
average American, Daniel P. Monaghan, to get his comment. A 31-year-old
banker with a wife, a young son and a 55- minute morning commute from
Tarrytown to Manhattan, Monaghan likes the Yankees, worries about his
weight, enjoys an icy beer every so often and isn't quite sure who'll get
his vote this November.
"Yeah, I'm average," Monaghan said. "But I resent the stigma of being [called] foolish. The average American is no fool."
Asked to confirm that he was one of 26 New Yorkers to purchase a ticket to see "Gigli," Monaghan paused. "OK, so maybe we are fools," he says. "I'm still not as bad as Michael Jackson."
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